If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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