I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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