o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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