I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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