1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
