final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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