she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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