i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
