I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is Oprah even human
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
