Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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