Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
