i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
