What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
