I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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