I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just pee around me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
