goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
