You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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