so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
