somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
