Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
