wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
