Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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