remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
