I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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