The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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