How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
