Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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