Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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