I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
