I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
