her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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