do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
