I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
