I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
