God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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