I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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