The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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