my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
