Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
