so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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