YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
