I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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