sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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