Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
