I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
