we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
