He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
