okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means