Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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