I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
