he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
