I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you have to choose: penises or morals?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
