I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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