tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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