I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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