Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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