Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
