If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
