I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
