My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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