Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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