That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
