I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
