Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize