Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
