if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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