she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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