ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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