Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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