$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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